The Long Good Friday

Good Friday diary - 2002

10:50 The Berserk, Russ, Howarth and Ju arrive and are the first to get a pint in.
11:00 Meccy, Leachy and Barker roll up.
11:20 Greeninho, Smith and Bower arrive.
11:25 Damo, Chinny, Jonny and Tragic(camp) skulk in.
11:30 Nealo arrives with the news that Emmett hasn't been able to organise a cat sitter so he'll be late!
11:33 Watson arrives dressed as Alf Stewart from Home and Away.
Speighty arrives.
11:45 Dowie and Galloway turn up.
12:00 Batesy arrives to rapturous applause.
13:35 Roy sparks up his cigar,
13:45 Greeny is questioned about his bedroom antics by Smith.
14:20 Tragic(dodgy) spills his pint over Russ.
14:30 Smith wins the raffle and dishes out cans of Tetley's.  The Berserk, Damo and Matt neck them in one.  Ju, typically, is seen hoarding three cans for himself even though some people haven't had one yet.  In the words of Greeny "Ju by name, Jew by nature"
14:35 Ju admits that attempting to toss off Roy is gay "to a certain extent"
14:50 Damo decides to announce a rivalry between BGSOB and Belvedere and begins to throw things.  He launches a widget, which strikes a pregnant bird in the face.  Her boyfriend attempts to calm Damo down.
15:05 The Big Unit turns up.
15:20 Eddie shows his face and in the upset of the day is seen to be sporting black socks!
15:20 Chinny attempts to explain to some birds that his nickname is because of his special technique of performing cunnilingus.
15:21 Phil spotted picking his nose and eating it.
15:25 Roy powers a widget into Speighty from less than a yard.
16:10 Sharon arrives with two new friends.
16:15   The group leaves the Belvedere and Leesy sets off a car alarm.
Damo throws a brick in the air only to watch in horror as it crashes down on his car roof!
16:30 Dave Lees batters Chinny
16:35 Damo soils on old folks home doorstep, and wipes his arse with a dock leaf.
16:40 Damo wipes the dock leaf in an Asian gentleman's face.
16:45 Damo pushes a cyclist off his bike.
16:50 Damo kicks down an old woman's gate and opens the door to her house.
17:50 Escape from Ju fails (unfortunately)
17:55 Russ boards a bus and Ju nearly gets run over.
Damo picks up a child and spins him above his head.
18:00 Ju refers to a BMW as fit.
18:10 Ju throws a bit of pizza at Leesy but explains that it's ok cos he had a sheet of A4 paper in his hand.
18:25 Greeny goes home for 3 S's shit, shower, shave.
18:30 Jonny Ash and Leesy pull out Gillette razors.
Leesy throws away a full pint.
18:35 Some bloke walks into the Duke of York, points at Damo and draws his hand across his throat, while saying he's phoning his boys.
Ju throws a razor at an old man in an attempt to look hard.
18:40 Ju proclaims, "I'M GAY" at the top of his voice in the Duke of York.
19:10 Leesy throws away second pint of the day.
Damo gets into the Gold Label
19:15 Ju ponders the question "Is pool a mans game?"
19:25 Greeny turns up looking polished.
19:35 Russ massages chalk into Tragic(mincer)'s scalp, giving his forehead a matt finish.
19:40 Roy tears the darts scoreboard off the wall in the Wheatsheaf and then denies it
Tragic (bent) goes for a dump.
19:50 The group arrive in Mambo.  Damo parades around behind the bar as the crowd chant "Bar Mambo, Bar Mambo"
Tim is asked, "Who the fuckin ell are you"
19:55 Damo spews up a fish like substance as Roy razzes him.
Russ and Batesy arrive and claim to have been held at knifepoint by the Khan brothers for Roy's earlier dartboard escapade.
20:00 Roy wanders around in a green fluorescent Burnley and Pendle transport Gilet.
20:05 After drinking pints all day Batesy becomes a Bacardi geezer after ordering a WKD in Mambo.
20:25 Spruce turns up and applies a full nelson to Greeny.
20:30 Spruce abuses Greeny while Damo gets him in a full nelson.
21:30 Ju and Howarth begin a "queers only" game of snooker.
21:45 Russ and Smith enquire about doing the "free and easy" at the club.
22:00 Russ and Twiff strike up a rousing rendition of Don't Look Back In Anger, but Ju spoils it for everyone.
Gloria asks, "Who's that idiot who always comes in with you" and points at Ju.
22:05 Ju attempts to chat up some birds, gets knocked back and starts calling them slags.
22:10 Roy and Russ join the committee in the Concert Artistes.
22:45 Ju starts falling asleep in Smacks while standing up.
Roy canes off Jens alcopop.
22:50 Jonny buys a bird a drink but fails to get anything other than a "tongue sandwich".  His attempts to get "finger pie" and a "cock strudel" meet with failure.
Russ takes control of Gilet.
23:00 Martin Hartley turns up, with bogeys up his nose.
23:20 Some bloke threatens to rip D's face off, Ju reckons he can sort it out.
Russ and Bates fight outside Smacks as Greeny and Leesy look on in disgust.
00:30 Ju arrives home with his brothers ex bird and proceeds to poon her.